My story is one you that will hear over and over again if you spend much time inside a pregnancy center. But I will continue to tell it, hoping that it will touch the lives of girls like me. I will continue to tell it, hoping it will help parents continue to teach their daughters the truth about life. I will continue to tell it, hoping that it will give other girls the wisdom to make better choices than I made. I will continue to tell it, hoping it will give women the courage to make sacrificial decisions in the face of unplanned pregnancies. And I will continue to tell it, hoping that the Christian community will learn how to treat the women in their churches who stumble and fall.

Abortion is something that I definitely contemplated. There were days when I was driving in my car, crying so hard I couldn’t see the road in front of me. I just wanted it to be over.

I was a senior in college and just about to graduate when I found myself in an unplanned pregnancy. I’d been with my boyfriend for almost three years. If you had told me back then “you’re going to get pregnant and you will have to walk through it all by yourself," I would have laughed in your face. No way that could happen to me – we were always “careful” and we were in love. He would always be there for me, no matter what.

When I realized that I would be making the decisions about this baby alone, I went to the local pregnancy center that my church had helped start. I wanted to know about all my options. I also went on behalf of my parents. They needed for someone to tell us that this was going to be okay – that we were going to make it through this experience in spite of the disappointment and the pain.

The pregnancy center was a place that felt safe to me. I didn’t feel judgment, which was a good thing, because I was already judging myself. I knew that I was in a situation that was the result of my own poor choices. I was beating myself up because I had been taught all my life about God’s plan for sex. I walked out of the center that day thinking, “There IS hope. I can get through this.” I knew it would be a tough road, but knowing that I had the support of experienced, caring people gave me confidence to face the future. They had helped so many other girls; I knew they could help me.

Abortion kept coming to my mind as a quick and easy solution to my problem, but I knew in my heart that it wasn’t an option for me. All those years of hearing the truth in Sunday School and church were so much a part of who I was. I had walked away from some of those truths, but the Holy Spirit was at work in my life, bringing God’s words to the forefront of my mind. There were days when I was just plain angry at myself because I couldn’t choose abortion – but I am thankful for the love of God that ‘constrains us’.

I continued to go to the pregnancy center and meet with the same counselor each week. She led me through a workbook that explored the differences between parenting and placing for adoption. I knew from the beginning that adoption was a viable option, but I just didn’t know how to go about it. The time we spent together helped me see that an adoption plan would be the best option for me. My counselor helped me talk about it objectively. She listened and encouraged me to listen to God. She never pressured me into any kind of decision; she just kept telling me that she was very proud of me for choosing life for my baby.

I knew that I was not at the place in life where I wanted to be when I became a parent. It was extremely important to me that my child have a father. I decided to make an adoption plan for my baby and give her the gift of a stable, loving, Christian family. I was able to do that because of the help I got at the pregnancy center. They connected me to a wonderful adoption agency. The adoption counselor walked with me through the many, many difficult decisions that were ahead.

It’s one thing to make an adoption plan when you are 5, 6, 7 months pregnant. It’s quite another thing to carry it out on the day the baby is born and you hold the child in your arms that you have carried under your heart for nine months! I got so much strength from both my counselor at the pregnancy center and my adoption agency counselor. They never minimized my pain and they never rattled off the trite, meaningless platitudes that people commonly say – things like “It’ll all be over soon – someday you’ll forget all about it – it’s for the best…” and on and on. Because the truth is when you walk away from God’s plan for your life, there are consequences. Some consequences last forever. Even though several years have passed now, I am not “over it.” I will never “forget all about it.” And it wasn’t “for the best”. Yes, it was a good decision for me to place my baby for adoption – but God’s “best” is saving sex for marriage so that girls like me won’t have to face the heartbreak that comes from having to make difficult decisions like this. His wonderful plan is for our protection!

Just a note at this point in my story to all of you dear “church people”. I have many friends who are adopted children; I grew up in a church where many of my parents’ friends adopted babies. The “church” knows how to celebrate life! I saw my mom go to the baby showers and I saw the welcome that these “chosen children” received. It was often even more extravagant and joyous that the celebrations for the ‘regular babies’!

But no one at my church seemed to know quite what to do with me. When it became apparent that I was pregnant, people began to ask questions: “boy or girl? What are you going to name him/her?”…etc., etc. When I told people I was placing for adoption, no one knew what to say. I got horrified stares and thoughtless comments: “How could you carry a baby for nine months and give it away?” – and other variations of the same. I finally quit going to church because it hurt too much. Let me suggest that if you are ever in the position of taking part in a conversation like that, that you simply say, “That is a very courageous decision,.” or “What a blessing this baby will be to that family,” or “I am so proud of you for choosing life.” Don’t heap more pain on someone during one of the most difficult times of their life!

The day I came home from the hospital was one of the most difficult days of my life. It was my first time without my baby in nine months and that reality was very hard for me to deal with. I was alone, and she was with her new family, which was exactly how I knew it was going to be – was supposed to be. I just never imagined how bad I would feel. The process of grieving comes in stages, and my counselors warned me that I would experience a variety of emotions as God moved me through this phase of my life.

In the beginning I felt so guilty! I felt guilty for not parenting – I felt guilty for moving on with my life – I felt guilty for returning to a pursuit of my goals and dreams. I felt guilty for feeling happy! I thought that since I didn’t have her in my life, I should just mope around for the rest of my life in sadness and despair.

God doesn’t just wave a magic wand over us and say, “Well, since you’ve asked me for forgiveness, I’m just going to take all the consequences away and you’ll live pain free forever!” The consequences of my actions were still there. His plan was for me to grow closer to Him as I worked through the healing process. He wanted me to understand that He has a plan for my life – and for my baby’s life. I might not have planned for her, but He did! Through His unfolding plan, I began to discover that life’s true meaning is not found in religion, but in a vibrant, growing relationship with Jesus Christ.

Abortion was something I contemplated. But the very first thought I had when I saw her face was “Thank you, God, for not letting me choose abortion.” Nobody loved that baby more on the day she was born than I did. I draw peace and satisfaction from the knowledge that I chose life.

I’m at peace today with the decision I made to place my baby for adoption. She has the life that I wanted her to have, and I have the life that I had hoped for. God is so good.

~ Stacy

Hope Pregnancy Centers

Broward County, Florida

P.S.

As God worked in Stacy’s life, He called her to serve as an abstinence educator in a pregnancy care center ministry for a season. She had the opportunity to impact thousands of youth and young adults with the message of truth and God’s forgiving love.